Ugh, really really really really really hate how I wasted last year's gap year not doing events!!! Why, why, why, why, why, WHY did I not. Money aside, I have missed out on all the experiences!!!!!!! So many things I could have learnt and experienced in only this portion of my life. I am truly very upset and also annoyed at myself for just deciding to bum around and waste my year away wtf wtf wtf, WHAT was I thinking?!?! Ugh, if only i went to look for it earlier and ignored all the things/voices that were holding me back argh.

For now, I shall just try to experience everything I want to, lest I have any more regrets.

Labels: rant, regrets

I see that my posts have mostly been rants and I seem so disgruntled and angry on this space lolol. Obviously I'm not this way in real life, although I am no where as carefree or happy as I used to be years ago, but this is part and parcel of growing up no? The weight of impending adulthood is getting heavier and heavier a load to carry, so much apprehension and fear sigh.

I've been reading personal blogs, and several of the writers are currently experiencing heartbreak; their posts are so dispiriting to read. I guess I can sympathise with them because they are speaking their heartfelt words on their personal blog and not posting publically on a social media. Omg cannot stand those people that post stuff publically wtf. The odd tweet here and there, I still can sympathise, but those people that flood entire timelines unrelentlessly with their emo tweets LAST WARNING!!!!!!! Unless your twitter is filled ONLY by your closest friends, nobody else is going to be able to care if you're irritating them more than anything?!?! Or maybe it's just me, the unsympathetic heartless bitch, that feels this way lolololol #sorrynotsorry.

Oops did a mini rant again.


Back to the heartbreak. One of the primary reasons I've been/was soooo apprehensive and nervous about stepping into a relationship was because I was SO afraid of being open and vulnerable. I'm a horribly guarded person, and love really is giving someone a gun and trusting him/her to not shoot you with it. And even if I were to be open and vulnerable, I'd try my best to not show it hahaha. I really hate appearing weak lol. I'm damn gei kiang LOL, even if I was hurting and upset, I'd say I'm fine/ok and then cry by myself.... BUT I must say that this only happens when my hormones are fluctuating crazily like a game of Pong. My actual self is much more rational.

And I must say that I'm rarely upset because of r/s problems because I firmly believe that I MUST be friends with someone before I will ever date them!!!!!! I cannot stress how important this is!!! Although most relationships begin very quickly from a friendship, or some just dive straight into the dating phase, I really believe that I need to start from a friendship. I want to know a person as a friend first and learn everything about him from that starting point. If you start straight from dating, and allow yourself to fall in love quickly only to realise that he has undesirable behaviours/traits/characteristics/habits/haspsychopathtendencies etc, it will be too damned late to back out. And you'd be so inclined to overlook/accept his faults (that if you had known about, you might not have entered the relationship in the first place) because you're already emotionally invested, and then you yourself will have to suffer. Hahahaha I think my dearest friend is in a toxic relationship like this ahemahemahem. Is it alright to encourage your friend to break up? Shall go survey around soon.

And for these reasons, I don't believe in love at first sight. Love is a gradual thing for me.



Lord help me because my writing is so disjointed now - something else I'm really upset about :'(

Labels: musings, rant

Having some horrible Sunday Night Blues now.... :(

I don't want to wake up at 5.30 am tomorrow sobs. Lord, please let it rain money.

But other than that, work has been pretty good so far!! Colleagues are all pretty nice, and it's great to meet more people/make some new friends! Nearly everyone working there is from SIM also, so I'm making friends with some future school mates.

Forever depressed when I tell people I'm going to SIM lol. I guess I still haven't accepted the fact that I will be going there!!! BOOHOOO. Never would I have imagined I'd end up at SIM la!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck me, my laziness and my life choices!!! I'm bloody bitter over this, but I will have to get over myself and accept this fact (unless UoB rejects me then I have to go overseas!!!!!!! hahahahahahha -.-).

Philip and Sheryl are both probably heading overseas for uni, and whilst I'm happy for them (yay can send my US stuff to pew's AHHAHAHAHA), I'm also feeling rather miserable about my lost opportunity. I wish I had had more faith in myself.

You only get to regret not doing if it was within your grasp.

Labels: musings, rant

How is it that some people are so bloody spiteful and make such snide comments??
Do you relish feeling momentarily superior?
Getting on my nerves man, because I can feel the malice behind it, even if it was just for that short period.

I mean, I'm no saint, and I think I'm also quite vindictive (fuck me and I will fuck you), but that's mostly only to people I really dislike. Even then, I need to be reallllyyy pissed off to do any proper harm. To friends and family, I'm so much more soft hearted and will try not to say anything venomous even though I might want to because they had knowingly said/did something to hurt me.

I only put up with this shit because you're a very good friend other than this.

Labels: rant

I actually have quite a few drafts on the blog, all half written because I lost interest in the topic or never got around to articulating the rest of my thoughts -_-

Haha, but this thought has been recurring in my head pretty often and I need to write this down somewhere before my blood vessels burst LOL. Blogging relieves tension.

Anyway, I think I've gotten pretty intolerant of bullcrap/decided to not let myself be a victim of people's crap. I used to be a lot more forgiving and sympathetic. I don't know if this is because of my growing older maturation (Sheryl claims to feel the same way too!) or that I've just become a more intolerant person on whole?! I don't know if I should be happy or upset that this has happened hahahaha. Because being unwilling to put up with bullcrap is sort of good for myself ain't it? I have to love myself and make myself happy!
I don't see why I have to put up with shit that causes me grief and annoyance. It's bad for my health, and health is gold.

Bullcrap List:

1. People/friends who don't reply/take forever to reply in a chat conversation.
If they are legitimately busy, I'd obviously NOT be upset. But if they choose to reply me later just because, then why the fuck do I have to even talk to you?!?! It's not like I am dying to chat with you, or sometimes even the one who initiated the damned thing. I don't exactly need your company nor do I have to even text you anyway. Bitch please, I'm not going to stomach having you only reply me at your covenience.

2. People who only talk about themselves.
Most positively are that the people who take their own sweet time to reply you, would also be people that only want to talk about themselves or the things they are interested in. If I were to mention something that I'm interested in, it'd be quickly browsed over or pointedly ignored in the conversation until they find their own topic of interest and want to continue the conversation. Like seriously? Perhaps you can try talking to Siri. I'm done with listening to you talk about your complaints and just you, yourself and more of you.

3. People who don't know how to use google.
This is harder to explain because I'm not talking about all kinds of questions DUH, but I can't understand why someone would ask a question that I CLEARLY wouldn't know the answer to / some technical question. Especially for questions that I can only answer by linking them a link, which they should have googled for themselves?!?!?! Am I a google helper? No, i don't think so, so why, WHY do you expect me to tell you or FIND you the answer?!?! It's not like they asked the question and proceeded to find the answer, but they really are just waiting for you to give them the answer!! Nearly everything can be googled, you should just google before asking a question that can be easily answered by googling.


I can't recall any more of my grievances at the moment... shall add onto this if i think of more hahaha.

Ohwells, but this 'new attitude' I've gotten has also made me more easily miffed and annoyed, and that's not tooo good either, the key is BALANCE!

Labels: rant

Dang it, I clearly had something in mind that i wanted to blog about, but after attending to Aubrey's whining (which I assume she has something she needs, because this girl doesn't normally whine for no reason), I can't seem to recall anything -_-

Shall talk about the video of this siao ding dong spitting on 2 ladies then.

Labels: Mad Dog, rant

Why do people automatically assume I am some pampered kid?! Do i come off as a pampered kid or what? I would like to think that I don't and I also don't think that I do, so i guess they just happily jump to that conclusion and assume so because of my dad's profession. Seriously? Although I live a comfortable life, I'm FAR from being pampered/spoilt. I am so fed up with hearing it. How should i drill that into their heads when they are so busy swimming in their ocean of self-conclusion?!?!

RANT.

Labels: rant

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