Labels: musings

Don't feel like sleeping, so I shall babble on this space.

Been really busy working lately. Hardly have any time for myself or my family or my friends! I'm truly thankful for the days where I can sleep in now. But then again, it's pretty good to have such a packed schedule - at least I feel like I am doing something about my life!

Working more = Increased Income, but my spendings are also increasing exponentially. Sobs, need to do something about that! Hopefully this wanes off soon.

Also finally got my acceptance into Manch again! With my impending departure, I do have many thoughts and questions.
4 and a half months left. What do I do?




edit:
Yikes, after watching so many taiwan variety shows about 小三, I'm quite appalled. Wtf it seems like having affairs there are quite common and 'accepted' as part of their culture. Wtfugz yucks.

Labels: musings

So valentines was yesterday, and as usual we didnt plan anything, which I'm totally cool with!!!! Because I hate crowds and I hate paying for overpriced stuff - *shakes fist* I refused to get scammed, so wasteful!!!

That doesn't mean I don't like to celebrate v-day la, I just don't see the practicality in 'celebrating' it.

BUT, I'm quite upset that I didn't get to experience those high-school-drama-style V-day. You know how back in secondary school, they would have these V-day booths where you can buy roses/chocolates etc to deliver to people. WHY I NEVER GET ANYTHING (that isn't from a friend)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not that I remember other people getting 'secret admirer' gifts either, because I think AHS is super boring like that ugh; no 'wild' stories/underagedclubbing etc, I think the wildest story I heard was that some gang came up to school to fight with some dude. I digressed, but the v-day culture in AHS was actually quite boring because only couples sent to couples and friends sent to friends. Why were the guys not daring enough to send gifts?!?!
Although i do think i generally attracted the ball-less type of guys sigh. Gone are those days I would never get to experience again sobz.
I'm sure every girl would have been super happy to get something (from other than their friends) on v-day, guys shouldn't be so shy!!!

But I wasn't bitter or upset or anything la, the most was that I was envious of other girls who had like 5 billion chocolates from their friends whilst I had a tiny pile BECAUSE I HAZ LITTLE FRIENDS lololol. I blame softball for only having 7 people in our year. UGs had like 5 million people to send to each other >:(

Still, it was super nice to give & receive presents to/from your friends/classmates ♥♥♥, all the bite sized chocolates or lollipops etc. I think one year PSY brought packets of greentea to school to give to the entire class HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHA wtf damn funny actually, but we were all damned touched lolol.

Actually I did give out chocolates to my class (and some other friends I wanted to give to, although I didn't dare to give them in the end) in poly too!! But nobody else did anything so I gave up the following year trololol.


/
I do think Valentines is more of a single-person day to profess/confess their love to someone else rather than a couples day (too exp) because at least you'd have an excuse or reason to motivate yourself to gather up courage to ask your crush out, or least do something to show your romantic interest.


Hahahhahahahaha but actually even if I DID get anything on v-day then, I would be fucking shy x98239018290381029381092, and if I actually DID know who sent it, I would be fucking awkward x91823091823091823091823908129371293 if I were to see that person because I was/am a super awkward kind of person x_x. SIGHPIE.

Labels: musings

I see that my posts have mostly been rants and I seem so disgruntled and angry on this space lolol. Obviously I'm not this way in real life, although I am no where as carefree or happy as I used to be years ago, but this is part and parcel of growing up no? The weight of impending adulthood is getting heavier and heavier a load to carry, so much apprehension and fear sigh.

I've been reading personal blogs, and several of the writers are currently experiencing heartbreak; their posts are so dispiriting to read. I guess I can sympathise with them because they are speaking their heartfelt words on their personal blog and not posting publically on a social media. Omg cannot stand those people that post stuff publically wtf. The odd tweet here and there, I still can sympathise, but those people that flood entire timelines unrelentlessly with their emo tweets LAST WARNING!!!!!!! Unless your twitter is filled ONLY by your closest friends, nobody else is going to be able to care if you're irritating them more than anything?!?! Or maybe it's just me, the unsympathetic heartless bitch, that feels this way lolololol #sorrynotsorry.

Oops did a mini rant again.


Back to the heartbreak. One of the primary reasons I've been/was soooo apprehensive and nervous about stepping into a relationship was because I was SO afraid of being open and vulnerable. I'm a horribly guarded person, and love really is giving someone a gun and trusting him/her to not shoot you with it. And even if I were to be open and vulnerable, I'd try my best to not show it hahaha. I really hate appearing weak lol. I'm damn gei kiang LOL, even if I was hurting and upset, I'd say I'm fine/ok and then cry by myself.... BUT I must say that this only happens when my hormones are fluctuating crazily like a game of Pong. My actual self is much more rational.

And I must say that I'm rarely upset because of r/s problems because I firmly believe that I MUST be friends with someone before I will ever date them!!!!!! I cannot stress how important this is!!! Although most relationships begin very quickly from a friendship, or some just dive straight into the dating phase, I really believe that I need to start from a friendship. I want to know a person as a friend first and learn everything about him from that starting point. If you start straight from dating, and allow yourself to fall in love quickly only to realise that he has undesirable behaviours/traits/characteristics/habits/haspsychopathtendencies etc, it will be too damned late to back out. And you'd be so inclined to overlook/accept his faults (that if you had known about, you might not have entered the relationship in the first place) because you're already emotionally invested, and then you yourself will have to suffer. Hahahaha I think my dearest friend is in a toxic relationship like this ahemahemahem. Is it alright to encourage your friend to break up? Shall go survey around soon.

And for these reasons, I don't believe in love at first sight. Love is a gradual thing for me.



Lord help me because my writing is so disjointed now - something else I'm really upset about :'(

Labels: musings, rant

Having some horrible Sunday Night Blues now.... :(

I don't want to wake up at 5.30 am tomorrow sobs. Lord, please let it rain money.

But other than that, work has been pretty good so far!! Colleagues are all pretty nice, and it's great to meet more people/make some new friends! Nearly everyone working there is from SIM also, so I'm making friends with some future school mates.

Forever depressed when I tell people I'm going to SIM lol. I guess I still haven't accepted the fact that I will be going there!!! BOOHOOO. Never would I have imagined I'd end up at SIM la!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck me, my laziness and my life choices!!! I'm bloody bitter over this, but I will have to get over myself and accept this fact (unless UoB rejects me then I have to go overseas!!!!!!! hahahahahahha -.-).

Philip and Sheryl are both probably heading overseas for uni, and whilst I'm happy for them (yay can send my US stuff to pew's AHHAHAHAHA), I'm also feeling rather miserable about my lost opportunity. I wish I had had more faith in myself.

You only get to regret not doing if it was within your grasp.

Labels: musings, rant

Turning 21 in 3 days, I don't really know what to make of it. Not throwing a party or having any extra-special celebration. Just a low key affair, but I don't mind that too much.

But you know how there is always that one (or two or three) person that makes it seem like it's such a fucking hassle to celebrate your birthday?? Why do you have to bitch or whine about having to change your schedule?! Even if you don't mean it that way, such comments are totally mood ruiners and are super uncalled for. Low EQ max. Like wowow ok thanks for that wet blanket, and I'm so sorry for disrupting your schedule you insensitive prick.

I don't know why every other year I seem to have someone doing this. I used to get really hurt by such comments/people, but I've grown to care less over the years. Like really, I don't need such shit in my life (very intolerant nowadays...) so I'd drop all the people that don't give a shit about me and/or I don't give a shit about.
But I remember once that my mum was so blah that I went to my room and cried LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. I was really quite upset ok.... But then my family is blah about all kinds of celebrations (except CNY) so oh wells, I've gotten used to it (after 18-20 years).

And then there are those friends that are very nice and make you feel appreciated. They are always asking what you want to do for your birthday, where you want to go, what gift you want etc. And if you are going to have a birthday party, they offer to help you with this and that. They bother to go the extra mile. Thank you all  ♥

Labels: friends, musings

I wish to correct an information about Shuqing I said in my horoscope post. OMG I AM SO SORRY I AM A BAD FRIEND LOL. I always thought that she was virgo, but turns out she's actually a Leo -__-, so woo, we're not incompatible afterall (no wonder)!! But actually, I'm not a bad friend compared to Tryneo because that bitch can't even remember the surnames of her poly friends -.-t. I think I can still remember the surnames of my primary school friends can lol.


And awwwwwwww times twenty thousand. Aubrey is being extremely sticky to me these days :'))))
Haha after going down to play with my parents for awhile, she would run back upstairs to chill in my room whilst I'm using the com. Haha, when I went to my mum's room to nap (because she went to sun my bed), Aubz came with me and laid under my mum's bed the entire time!! Basically she would follow me whereever I go lol.

Haha Sasa and Aubz have a love-hate relationship i think. LOLOL and Sasa gets jealous quite a bit now. Got to love sasa a bit more since she's really pretty old now (11 this year!). It scares me everytime I look at her and realise how much older she has gotten, all the white fur dotting her body. The same goes for my parents actually. They have really gotten older and more tired looking than what I remember/the image I have in my head, and it really scares me everytime I realise this.

Time to be a better daughter. 2014 resolution to add!

Labels: dogs, musings, Parents

Shall not head into my grandmother story discussion, because I really do not know their stories in their entireties anyway.

Labels: musings

(Insomnia and TC go together)

Labels: friends, musings

It's 1.40am and it's too early too sleep so...

I've heard several girls complain that they'd rather be a boy, and I would always disagree because I love being a girl! I've always been a girly girl all my life. Besides having more selections for clothes, shoes, make up etc, I really do enjoy being the fairer sex hahahahahaha. I like having the option of not having to carry the heavy items, being given way to (literally, not figuratively), having help with physically tough activities, being taken home yada yada. Although I am perfectly capable of doing all those by myself, it's just really nice to feel like I don't have to! I guess, I really like the whole idea/part where I can get taken care of HAHAHAHHAHA, sigh I'm too enamoured with the idea of Gentlemen-Lady and all the romance dramas with guys that are too sweet and caring and nice.. Essentially, I'm really just attracted to the idea of getting protection/security from the guy. My xiao nv ren moment trololol.

In the circle of courtship, I'm pretty much on 'girls should be chased after' halve even though everyone is going on about girls should make the first move blahblah nowadays. I guess I'm still pretty 'traditional' like that, not that I am hell bent on not making the first move, but girls getting chased is what I like. Having said all these, I'm also not some boneless shu nv, and I think my personality is a little strong too. So maybe I'm asking for too much LOL. According to the lanjays, I should be happy to even find somebody that can tolerate me lol -.- Sigh, we always say mean things to each other. I think the biggest miracles are that both Philip and Shuqing found somebody that is willing to love them. Now, THAT is WOW please.

Labels: Lanjays, musings

Once in a while, I go back and read my old blog posts and I'm ALWAYS ALWAYS so overwhelmed with nostalgia.

I had a bazzillionnnn blogs man trololol, thanks to me always feeling the need to start an entirely new blog :|
Hahaha, but i'm SO happy I archived many great times in blogposts, I would never have remembered (goldfish brain sorry) those times if I hadn't written them down. I used to blog in such detail hahahaha, and pretty dramatically, which makes for a very amusing read imo lolol. Reading them makes me feel like they happened just yesterday, time really flies :(
Also, I keep telling myself to write an entry down somewhere every other day, and I tried to do so, but I didn't keep up with it sigh. Much of the past 3 years are just distant memories now.. sadzxzx.

I proposed to print my blogposts and have them binded to become the CBLJ Bible. I've captured so many of our retarded stories in my blog posts :') I always LAUGH LIKE SOME MAD DOG reading our antics omg :')))))))))))))))))))
Of cos there were also loads of stuff with the softball girls :* and then some poly stuff in my later blogs hahahah.

I think I sounded much happier and livelier and crazier in my old posts too.. hmm... though I must say that I do try to curb those insane HAHAHAHAHHA/TROLOLOLOL/WOWOWOWOWOW/CAPSLOCKLIKEMAD writing now to sound more refined and age appropiate LOL. Fts!! I shouldn't have to censor myself should I??? I also blog about different issues now. My posts pre 2009 are literally just fangirl gushing after fangirl squealings hahahahhaha :3

(omg, just realised some of my ancient blogger blogs are gone!!!! BLOGGER Y U DELETE?!?!?!?!?)
Kinda having some livejournal blog feels now too............... NO I CANT CHANGE BLOG AGAIN.

Labels: musings

Watched WIN: Who Is Next upon Yina's reccomendation. Hahaha, it has been a while since I've fangirled (ok, not strictly so thanks to EXO) no thanks to the hiatus of my dearest db5k :(
(FOREVER A CASSIE, FOREVER AND EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel the need to publicly declare my everlasting love jic anyone thinks otherwise.)

Haven't had the heart to fangirl anymore since and I couldn't find any boyband i could fall as hard for after. I do still occasionally watch/monitor boybands though hehe, like I've watched nearly all the variety shows of EXO (lolol), but I can't be bothered to stalk them etc. I guess I'm over my insane fangirl period... I've really gotten old sigh. I used to be one of the youngest in my fandoms, but if i were to join a new fandom now, I'd be an old potato at 20.



I remember not being interested in fangirling over F4/Backstreet Boys/N'Sync etc in primary school hahaha, i clearly remember thinking to myself "I'm totally not interested in chasing after anyone...." Wtf, I would marvel at how wrong I could be in future LOLOLOL. I guess I started my first fangirl moments in P3 as a Hilary Duff fangirl and having her posters all over my wall before moving on to BoA (P4-5) and then Avril Lavigne (P5-P6) and then hardcore fangirling with Bang Bang Tang (Sec 1/2) and then Fahrenheit (Sec 1/2) and finally an insane obsessive fanatic with the love of my life DBSK at 14 and then every other popular korean band in that era. I'm pretty sure I watched EVERYTHING that korean entertainment had to offer from 14-16 years of age lol (Perhaps because I finally had my own laptop too). I've fangirled over every active band (or non active older bands too...) during that period. Those few years were really golden, I was practically exploding from the love i had for my fandoms. I really think I could have survived purely on the love I get out of watching my fandoms yknow?!!?! I absolutely enjoyed every minute of being a fangirl hehehehe (ok except buying stupid BBT/FRH merchandises and regretting not studying because I was too busy fangirling -_-)

Anyway, the main point is that now and then I occasionally get to relive my fangirl ages when I watch variety shows of (mostly) boybands or dramas. It's pretty embarrassing to fangirl at this age, because I'm now officially a noona to most bands sobs, but I can't deny the occasional squeals of my inner fangirl \(*~*)/

COME TO ME OPPA NOONA.



Haha same goes for watching taiwan/korean idol dramas. I hardly watch idol serieses anymore, but when I do, I'm pretty glad that I still melt into a puddle of goo. FEELS GOOD TO FEEL YOUNG AGAIN OKAY.

Labels: Fangirl, musings

Probably had the most streneous exercise of the year today. Met Sheryl to cycle at ECP with Aubrey in tow and we cycled from the siglap park connector to ford road and back to lagoon to return her rented bike. She then sat pillion on my bike and we (I) cycled to Big Splash for teh and chitchat. Thats me propelling a combined load of 100kg ok!!! It was pretty tiring, but still manageable because we were following the direction of the wind. Mid route, some angmoh guy came up to talk to us, and we were pretty creeped out initially (conservative asian traits) but he was saying that he skates along ecp every other day, and it's really boring to skate alone, so he tries to talk to people yadayada and Singaporeans are always very shy and reserved. Hahaha at this point we were still wary of his intentions, but he really did seem pretty nice, and he kept reiterating that he wasn't a rapist or whatever lol, so we chatted for the rest of the journey to Big Splash (with me struggling to cycle my fat buddies Sheryl and Aubrey at an extremely slow speed to complement his skating, which makes it extremely hard to keep the handle steady!) Upon reaching BS, he was asking if he could treat us to a drink and continue the chat but we rejected because of our asian trait to be wary of strangers ~_~. On hindsight, maybe we should have continued chatting with him - he seemed to have led a very interesting life - because he seemed pretty earnest! Plus Mr. Teh Tarik has a godzillion people so he can't do anything funky right.... Or is this how people end up in trouble LOL. Ohwells.  Either way, I have to agree that asians/singaporeans are really damn reclusive, shy and standoff-ish to strangers. I wish we were more friendly, outgoing and warm.

Labels: musings

Labels: musings, wild life

I will definitely try my best to get my children into good schools in future. As stereotypical and/or elitist as it may sound, I do think that the environment and peers you have are super crucial aspects of your growth and development. "Better" students/environment will motivate and encourage (or force) you to do, strive, improve and perform better.
Lets just hope my kids will be able to cope, haha, if they can't then oh well, what to do?

Labels: musings

Labels: dogs, musings

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