wild hearts
DATE: Tuesday, 11 February 2014 TIME: 22:01
I see that my posts have mostly been rants and I seem so disgruntled and angry on this space lolol. Obviously I'm not this way in real life, although I am no where as carefree or happy as I used to be years ago, but this is part and parcel of growing up no? The weight of impending adulthood is getting heavier and heavier a load to carry, so much apprehension and fear sigh.
I've been reading personal blogs, and several of the writers are currently experiencing heartbreak; their posts are so dispiriting to read. I guess I can sympathise with them because they are speaking their heartfelt words on their
personal blog and not posting publically on a social media. Omg cannot stand those people that post stuff publically wtf. The odd tweet here and there, I still can sympathise, but those people that flood entire timelines unrelentlessly with their emo tweets LAST WARNING!!!!!!! Unless your twitter is filled ONLY by your closest friends, nobody else is going to be able to care if you're irritating them more than anything?!?! Or maybe it's just me, the unsympathetic heartless bitch, that feels this way lolololol #sorrynotsorry.
Oops did a mini rant again.
Back to the heartbreak. One of the primary reasons I've been/was soooo apprehensive and nervous about stepping into a relationship was because I was SO afraid of being open and vulnerable. I'm a horribly guarded person, and love really is giving someone a gun and trusting him/her to not shoot you with it. And even if I were to be open and vulnerable, I'd try my best to not show it hahaha. I really hate appearing weak lol. I'm damn gei kiang LOL, even if I was hurting and upset, I'd say I'm fine/ok and then cry by myself.... BUT I must say that this only happens when my hormones are fluctuating crazily like a game of Pong. My actual self is much more rational.
And I must say that I'm rarely upset because of r/s problems because I firmly believe that I MUST be friends with someone before I will ever date them!!!!!! I cannot stress how important this is!!! Although most relationships begin very quickly from a friendship, or some just dive straight into the dating phase, I really believe that I need to start from a friendship. I want to know a person as a friend first and learn everything about him from that starting point. If you start straight from dating, and allow yourself to fall in love quickly only to realise that he has undesirable behaviours/traits/characteristics/habits/haspsychopathtendencies etc, it will be too damned late to back out. And you'd be so inclined to overlook/accept his faults (that if you had known about, you might not have entered the relationship in the first place) because you're already emotionally invested, and then you yourself will have to suffer. Hahahaha I think my dearest friend is in a toxic relationship like this ahemahemahem. Is it alright to encourage your friend to break up? Shall go survey around soon.
And for these reasons, I don't believe in love at first sight. Love is a gradual thing for me.
Lord help me because my writing is so disjointed now - something else I'm really upset about :'(
Labels: musings, rant